Sakshi Agrawal writes about a painful experience in an elevator
TW: Abuse, Sexual Assault
I still remember it
Like it happened yesterday.
It was a Saturday night.
Wearing blue shorts and a black t-shirt
a smile lay on my face,
as I walked back home.
Reminiscing the memories of the night,
I stepped inside the elevator.
As I pressed the button to my floor,
a man enters behind me.
I feel his eyes going up and down.
Looking at my body
as if it was his to have
I ignore his gaze
and wait to reach my floor.
The elevator dings
and I rush to get out.
But suddenly I feel it,
His hands clutching my stomach.
I run out screaming at him
“Stay away from me”.
For just a second,
the world around me stops.
I can feel the shortness in my breath.
but I can’t feel my body.
I suddenly get out of my daze
and hunt for my keys.
I open my apartment door
but I can sense him
standing right behind me.
I run inside and
push the door on his face.
Latching it from inside,
I sit on the floor.
I can hear him outside
banging the door.
I sit with hands on my ear
waiting for the nightmare to stop.
After what feels like eternity
I hear his footsteps receding
I wait and wait
till there is complete silence.
And slowly
my tears start to flow.
I feel numb
and I sit there wondering
what had gone wrong?
I cry my heart out.
And finally
I get myself off the floor.
I walk towards the shower
rip my clothes off
and let the water take over.
I just stand there
hoping the water
will take the dirt off.
But it stays there
and refuses to leave.
I look in the mirror
my eyes are red
I start to wonder
what will people say and think.
Then, I take a vow
to keep it a secret.
It has been four years.
Elevators are still my fear
I still think twice
before going out.
But,
the vow has been kept strong.
Because I remember it
like it happened yesterday.
Main artwork produced by South Asian Today's designer, Nikita Ann, @nikitaann97